I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
