i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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