Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
