It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
