theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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