i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
