This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
