i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize