the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
