I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
