bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
