don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize