Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it hurts more in the daytime
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
