If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
