So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
