and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
did i walk over a car last night?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
