The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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