Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
