Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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