Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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