my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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