How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So much Jack, so little girl.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
