I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
