I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm too high and old for this...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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