i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
