so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
