omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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