So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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