playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
