I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
