I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
