There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize