wat bout pragnant strippers??
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She bit a glass in half.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
