its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
