I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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