I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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