I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
