i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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