the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We talked him into tasing himself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize