I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
