If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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