I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
