Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
