He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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