Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
