is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
