Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
