Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize