I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
