I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
