my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
