it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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