The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
