If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
