after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
