Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
