If i come over, it means nothing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
