i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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