Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
