3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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