Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
