he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
