Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
