I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize