just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
