yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
